Great Cricket Sledges

" Whoooooooooh !
Dont worry Shane, you can sleep in my bed tonight."

Not by a female on Shane Warne
But By
Darren Gough
On Shane Watson
After Shame Watson slept on the floor in Bret Lees room at Lumley Castle in 2005
Watto slept in Bretts room because he claimed to have seen a ghost

" I havent met Michael Clarkes dog but I have met John Buchanan
And I dont see that he had too many skills that made him stand out among coaches around this planet."

By
Stuart Macgill

Heres some correspondence sent to the press

JUST NOT CRICKET
Here are the BIG bash scores
Clarke dosent like Symonds, Hayden or Buchanan but he does like Warnie and Haddin
Katich was not happy with Clarke who wanted Hussey to sing the song somewhere else
But thats OK now
MacGill dosent like Buchanan, in fact no one likes Buchanan except for Watto who likes everyone even Clarke
Clarke thinks less of Boof because he didnt tell him about Hayden
Hayden is not happy with Boof about Haddin but that is irrelevant
Warnie likes frothies but dosent think much of Boof either, because he did or didnt select Siddle, as the case may be
None of them like New Zealand because they seem interested in something called the 'spirit of the game'
Clem Hill turns in his grave and Ian Chappell despairs
In their day all the arguments were with the administrators , or the opposing teams

NIGHT TESTS

" Every now and then you get a ball you dont see and that puts a bit of doubt in your mind."
BY
Chris Rogers

" In an era of the flat track and the ballistic bat , a batsman complaining about not seeing everything like a watermelon is like Bill Gates complaining about a parking ticket."

BY
Richard Hinds




Contrasting views on batting at night in Test matches

*I was 21 years old and Ricky was  great batsman , but I went out there and tried to attack him."

By
Kemar Roach
Who claims he is the man responsible for for ending Ricky Pontings career, in particular when he injured Pontings elbow and forced him to retire hurt.

*Im not saying I didnt have a good time at the Test- who dosent enjoy a 40 minute queue for a $10 beer.*

By
Nick Ryan
On the Adelaide Oval test Australia v New Zealand , 2015

On that subject , some individuals advertised to have beer maids serving them grog , at about $20 or so per hour , in that test

" Patience Patience Patience Patience...Aaaarrghhh...I will become the patient watching this."

By
Shoaib
4th Test India V South Africa 2015
This comment made in reference to South Africa being 2/72 off 72 overs !

" I have memories of Viv Richards captaining the West Indies in a one day game and he sent Richard Gabriel off the field at the MCG for his poor fielding , I tell ya what Viv Richards with this lot would be out there almost on his own , he would have to send about 8 off."

By
Ian Chappell
Day 1
2015
Australia v West Indies
Commentating on the standard of the West Indies fielding

That is quite a sledge especially coming from a commentator.

WEST INDIES BASHING
Plenty of criticism, some of it scathing  after day 1 First Test

* I fear that West Indies is not just in decline but waiting to be unplugged.
I hope these are unjustified fears, but I fear that they are much more rational fears than , say, the one about Shane Watson making a comeback.*

* I fear that the best entertainment to be found in the AU V WI series this summer will be on You Tube.*

* If David Warner , after cruising to 64 off 61, hadnt lazily flicked at some legside rubbish before lunch, Australia may have finished the day at 2/700.*

* The tourists can thank lord the last 2 sessions were spent bowling at the relatively sedate blades of Adam Voges and Shaun Marsh.
The latters father presumably watched the days proceedings weeping at the historical vagaries that meant he had to bat against the WI of the 80s and his son gets to bat against the WI of 2015.
Geoff Marsh may also see an opportunity for redemption.
If he comes out of retirement before this series is over he may get the chance to add a few centuries to his career stats.*


* The over rate was deplorable.
It moved with the rapidity of molasses down a sand hill.*

* Part time offie Jermaine Blackwood rolled out innocuous dibbly-dobblies*

* With an old ball that was doing nothing, the WI attack had as much bite as a mouse with faulty dentures.*

* The only positive coming from the opening day of the series was the fact they had their shirts tucked in.*

* If the Windies cant get their act together they should never be allowed back in Australia.*

*Flicking over to watch Michael Clarke battle it out in the Sydney to Hobart yacht race will be most cricket related action this Boxing Day*

* Its anyones guess how long the WI will continue to exist as a Test match force but surely they will never again be invited to contest the Melbourne and Sydney Test.*

* On current form getting them to play the show piece Tests of the summer is a bit like booking Wembley Stadium for an English pub band*

By
Various cricket reporters

And so it continues......

* At Bellerive Oval it looked more like the bored X1 rather the one representing the West Indies board*

By
Chappelli
On the thrashing of West Indies

* Cricket is basically Baseball on valium.*

By
Robin Williams
Not the Morkel brothers

20/20 Cricket is basically Baseball on Speed
By
Scrappy

Heres a recent conversation by the BBL crew of
Andrew Flintoff
Mark Howard
Damien Fleming

FLINTOFF : Geoffrey Boycotts favorite Katy Perry , absolutely loves her, hes met her
FLEMING : Isint it in his Twitter photo ?
FLINTOFF : Yep, Katy Perry and Geoffrey Boycott
HOWARD : Does she love him?
FLINTOFF : I doubt it , no one does
FLEMING : He does

Commentator : " Just a little bit of banter out there in the middle does that take your focus off things at all?"
" Banter , who with ?"
Commentator : " Mr West."
" West that left armer , nah nah nah nah
I had a little bit to say, umm , whats he , probably hasent really bowled that well, hes got me but hasent really bowled so well , so umm , see how it goes, see how he goes when he has to come out and bat and face some of our quicks."

By
Michael Hill

Hobart Hurricane batsmen , being interviewed after being dismissed by Adelaide Strikers debutant , left hand fast bowler Greg West

" Y'all can kiss my black rass."

By Chris Gayle
Inviting Shane Watson on Twitter
The invitation after Watson criticised Gayles remarks made to women during the BBL

" Shane Warne has a problem with me
Ive never disrespected him
I dont know
Maybe because my face is real and his face is not?"

By
Marlon Samuels

" Absolutely ridiculous
If youre going to ban cricket balls you might as well ban footballs, frisbees, everything that might hurt someone
Then say kids cant go out and play- just sit inside and play iPad and XBox
People get knocked over by cars- you dont see councils banning cars all of a sudden
I just cant believe it
I hope it dosent get through."

By
Ryan Harris
On the proposal of a SA council banning the use of cricket balls in cricket nets for free lance participation

Scrappy wrote:" Absolutely ridiculous
If youre going to ban cricket balls you might as well ban footballs, frisbees, everything that might hurt someone
Then say kids cant go out and play- just sit inside and play iPad and XBox
People get knocked over by cars- you dont see councils banning cars all of a sudden
I just cant believe it
I hope it dosent get through."

By
Ryan Harris
On the proposal of a SA council banning the use of cricket balls in cricket nets for free lance participation

exactly my sentiments when i heard this yesterday, if kids are playing any sport they are not getting into ''mischief''

" He is the only bloke I know who fell in love with himself at 16 and he has been faithful ever since."

By
Darren Gough
About his brother in law Kevin Pietersen

Robert "crash" Craddock on abc radio yesterday discussing Mitchell Marsh & whether he should be in the Australian team, "we all want him to do well but when your age is higher than your batting average you shouldn't be in the team, especially as a number 6"

*The entire attack was underdone for this game leaving the scoreline
Hard arsed South Africa 1
Sports Science Obsessed and Generally Mollycoddled Australia 0.*

By
Robert "crash" Craddock
After Australia was beaten in the First Test by South Africa 2016

* Marsh was not Australias worst performer but the ball and chain he carries is his Test average of 23.2 which, if it was a takeaway food order, would be nothing more than a chicken nugget.*

By
Robert Craddock
About Mitchell Marsh
After the First Test against South Africa 2016

"But when money became the cricket god and the game was run by accountants, suddenly the program was so crammed the Test players never set foot on a Grade pitch
To a lesser extent so, to, the state players
Thats why we have young inexperienced club captains, some of whom, like their state counterparts, cant set fields to save themselves
We saw that with Matthew Wades hopeless field settings for spinner Jon Holland in last years SA-Victoria Sheffield Shield Final

By
Ashley Rowdy Mallett

" Maybe they should play one hand one bounce to get the game moving."

By
Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull
On MMM commentating on the cricket
Day 1 , 3rd test Australia , Australia v Pakistan , just b4 tea [2 wickets at tea taken]

" Leg spinners are like your sex life, only as good as your last performance."

By
Mal
Discussing Yasir Shahs bowling

Mal, was asked this question
About a pensioner who complained about their pension dropping from $500 to $320
This was Mals reply, something like this :
" I remember the 90s when pensioners were eating Snappy Tom , I can get you a can opener."

Mal does guest appearances with the MMM team
He is quite a funny man