Laughter is the best medicine

" Whats the difference between a wife and a job?
After 10 years the job still sucks."

By
Mel Gibson
Said this to a female worker
Movie : What Women Want

1989
What do you get when you cross Dolly Parton with a media magnate?
Answer : Chesty Bond.

By
Graham Kennedy

1982
The Verdict Movie

Paul Newman talking to his buddies in a bar
The subject a conversation between two men

" He says they got this new bar and you go inside and for a half buck you get a beer and a free lunch and they keep you in the back room and they get you layed.
" I said wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute , you mean to say theres a new bar and you go inside and for half a buck they give a beer and a free lunch and they take you in the back room and they get you layed?"
" Thats it thats right?."
" Say have you ever been in the bar ?"
" He said no, but my sister has."

2015
Pawno

Enjoyable, provocative Australian film
There was a conversation between the 2 deadbeats Carlo and Pauly , when Claire was spotted
Pauly is smitten with Claire, Carlo makes the introduction

CARLO: Excuse , Claire , let me introduce you to my very good friend Pauly the kid
PAULY: Hullo
CLAIRE : Hey
PAULY : Thats what horses eat

MONK
Episode : Mr Monk goes to the dentist

Lt Randy Fisher had a tooth prob, was sedated whilst the tooth was being extracted
He woke up at one stage and thought he saw the dentist and the dental assistant murder a man over a  baseball  matter
He was explaining this back at the precinct with Captain Levine and Detective Patterson
Both thought Fisher was hallucinating , both gave Fisher a hard time on the matter

LEVINE : Who do you think killed him ?
FISHER : It was a guy, male caucasian, 5'11'', 200 lbs, they were arguing about Barry Bonds, Im pretty sure I could ID him
PATTERSON : Baseball player ?
FISHER : Yeah I think this guy thought Doctor Bloom kidnapped Barry Bonds, they were arguing about how much Barry Bonds was worth
PATTERSON: Hey if your a dentist who plays baseball , you know what team he played for?
There was a pause
PATTERSON AGAIN : The Yankees !

There was laughter
Later is was discovered that there was no Barry Bonds it was bearer bonds !

Trading Places[1983]

At a dinner table, Alfred Drake had this to say
This snail is standing in front of the Cadillac salesman
He looks up at the salesman and he says how much for that Cadillac
Pause
The snail says I want a BIG S put on each door and on top of the car I want another BIG S , so everybody can see it
The salesman says what do you want that for ?
He said when I drive down the avenue I want everybody to say, look at that s car go

Valley Of The Sun [1942]

Western movie set in the 1860s
James Craig [the good guy] is new in town, and is  taken back to Sir Cedric Hardwickes house
Sir Hardwicke is a  Lord from England
Craig wanders around into the house and picks up a cricket bat
He ponders at it for a few seconds , Hardwicke sees him observing the bat
SIR HARDWICKE: " Cricket bat."
CRAIG : Oh , they must have awful BIG crickets around here."

Fun with Dick and Jane [1977]

Dick[George Segal] has lost his job
The Landscaper[Richard Forenzy] is retrieving his plantations
Jane [Jane Fonda] pleads with the Landscaper
" I can give you another cheque."
The Landscaper replies " 2 cheques have bounced already Mrs Harper, your mother might have carried you for 9 months, but we are only going to carry you for 2 "

Quincy
Episode : The Hot Dog Murder
Arthur [William Windom] in a conversation with Quincy [Jack Klugman]

Arthur :" Surely you dont believe everything you read in the newspapers ? "
Quincy : " Only the obituaries ."

CINDERELLA MAN [2005]
The story of Heavyweight boxer James Braddock , played by Russell Crowe
Braddock was in a press conference leading up his Heavyweight Championship bout with Max Baer
A reporter asked a question
" Whats the first thing your going to do if you make world champion ?
Braddock relies
" First thing Im going to have to do is buy some turtles. I said to the kids last week in the house I was going to bring back the title , and they though I said turtle ."

James Braddock caused a BIG upset by winning the title in 1935
Max Baer had a son named Max Baer junior
Max Baer junior played the part of Jethro in the Beverley Hillbillies TV show

The movie was produced and directed by Ron Howard
Howard played the part of Richie Cunningham on Happy Days

KISS ME STUPID [1964]
Starring Dean Martin
Dean had to this to say when on stage

" I have an amazing mother, you know.
She is 85 years old and she dont need glasses
She drinks right out of the bottle."

BEWITCHED
Series 7 episode 10
Samanthas Old Man

Endora makes Darren very old
At breakfast in the morning a conversation by a frustrated Darren to Samantha

DARREN :" Im coming very close to the end of my breakfast and the end of my rope."
Samantha half ignores Darren
Darren re-directs
DARREN :" Say something "
SAMANTHA " ' Something."